The Poem That Started It All... Life Not a Fairy Tale?

Life not a fairytale?
Bitter AF?
Blame your damn fairy godmother,
I was probably drunk.
But honest to god,
There was only so much I could do,
You’re no proper princess,
This is about to get rude.
Twas just a matter of time,
Before the shit hit the fan,
And the truth would be known,
You can’t sing worth a damn,
Your hair isn’t perfect,
Your butt’s begun sagging,
And your prince isn’t coming,
Just that asshole for shagging.
Your clothes aren’t designed
By gifted house mice and birdies,
You bought that pant suit from Target,
And it screams “I’m single and thirty.”
You grew up watching princesses,
Kiss frogs and eat cake,
But those lazy bitches,
Had nothing at stake.
You should thank me, sweetheart,
You’ve grown up so nicely,
You’re a bitch who can take on the world,
So fucking feisty.
Now the time has come,
You’re old enough, dear,
To know the truth of your tale,
So pour me more beer.
I’m your drunk fairy godmother,
Back with a vengeance,
To bring you some good shit,
Just keep up your attendance.


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